§ ¶My next journey
Hi family and friends,It's been over 5.5 years since my last surgery; I think I'm due for a new one. At least this time it's a choice. Now, in addition to the titanium rod in my leg, I'll have a chip in my head. Yup, I've finally decided to take the leap and get a cochlear implant!
It wasn't an easy decision. I started thinking more about it once I experienced a drop in hearing - small enough to not be a big deal but enough to be noticeable sometimes. My hearing aids help me so much that some audiologists have even told me that they essentially make me hard of hearing. Technically, I'm a borderline candidate for an implant, but I passed all the tests, and the surgeon thinks I'll do well with it. Of course no one can guarantee its success, but the consensus seems to be that it'll be a step up from hearing aids. There's nowhere else for me to go with hearing aids - I've maxed out. And I'm sick of dealing with earmold and feedback issues. I'll still wear a hearing aid in my non-implanted ear, but at least I'll have cut the problems by half.
I always thought I'd do something at some point to try to improve my hearing. Right now, there's really nothing else on the horizon, and with cochlear implants, the earlier you get them, the better because of the way brains age. It'd also be great to benefit by the time Doran starts talking. That's another reason for getting a CI: the kids. It'll be nice to be able to distinguish sounds better. An increased awareness of environmental sounds will also be helpful. For example, one problem we have in our house is toilets that run unless they're jiggled or flushed correctly (apparently I've got a special flush!). I can't hear the toilets running from other parts of the house, which has resulted in an increase of our water bill. While there are many sounds I'm perfectly content not hearing (I don't want to hear those damn crickets any more than I do already!), there are others that would add to my quality of life.
What is life all about, after all, if not for taking risks? Life's too short not to. My sister taught me that, and it's thanks to her that I finally decided to jump the fence.
Right now, however, I'm not doing jumping jacks. In fact, sending this email is scary because it makes my surgery all that more real. The whole thing feels inevitable, but right now all I can focus on is the surgery and immediate recovery: both have me nervous and scared. I know they're small in the grand scheme of things, and that the rehab is the hardest part of it all, but those don't mean bubkes to me right now. No, this isn't the same as childbirth. The physical pain will be there afterwards. They're drilling a hole in my head! They're drilling a HOLE in my HEAD!
For those of you who don't know much about CIs, it's important to realize that getting one won't miraculously make me hearing. I'll still be a deaf person, just a deaf person with a more powerful "hearing aid" and the ability to stick things to the side of my head. It's going to involve a lot of hard work as my brain learns to rewire itself. It could take well over a year before I'm able to say it was worth it. It can take years, even, to get the full effects.
I'm going to keep track of this journey on a blog (I'm a writer, how can I not?!). We're still working out the kinks, but you can always find this weblog from this link: www.steinsquared.com/inmyhead [the weblog is up, but still being debugged - Aaron]
In the meantime, the surgery date is March 22, and my first activation will be April 20. That's when it will work for the first time, though there will be a few mappings (program adjustment) after that as I learn how to hear in a different way.
Thanks for all of your love and support now and as I go through what will surely be an interesting journey!
